February 5, 2012

Today I learned - maybe more accurately realized while exchanging childhood stories with someone dear to me over chicken nuggets - that things learned early in life have a way of sticking around. Small things, that may not have seemed important at the time, can actually grow up and become your adult worldview without you even realizing quite how it happened.

Throughout elementary school I was given a spelling test every Monday and Friday. The Monday test was brand new words and the Friday test was those same words again with a weeks worth of learning achieved in the interim. Being notably dyslexic (which I did not actually discover about myself until adulthood) I missed all of Monday's words. All. Just about every time.

But, I was a reader and a learner and a trier and a young girl with a cheer squad, so every Friday I returned with a newly acquired list of vocabulary - all the letters in the right places. And I got a sticker. A sticker for every week with no gaps. A whole folder of stickers. It it was enough to keep be from getting too discouraged about the Mondays.

And, FLASH, a light bulb illuminated my processed chicken snacks. At 6 years old I learned something very big that I still carry with me (but it was not spelling, because truthfully I still often have Mondays). I developed a belief that it doesn't really matter how you start out. If you work hard and you try and you learn and grow a little along the way you can always finish strong and get rewarded. I really believe that. I believe it in myself and I believe it of others. Sometimes it is simple. Sometimes it is very hard.

This belief is a huge part of who I am. It makes me hopeful (perhaps overly goal oriented and maybe a bit praise driven) but hopeful. When I was told flat out that my dreams were too difficult before my career had even begun, I thought: No. I have been here before. This is just Monday. If you just keep at it, you can get it right in the end.

I also, to this day, really like stickers.